■ scream when you see me ■

Saturday, August 16, 20089:05 AM

■ the breeze at nite

the wheels turned 360 degrees.

the handles start to shake.

the speed went up to 80km/hr.

my legs start trembling with fear.

car lights start shinning into my eyes,

blinding me for a sec.

everything seems to blur out suddenly.

i came to a startled stop,

to regain my normal vision.

on i sped off to the park again.

everything seemed to be so lively there.

the air is way more fresher.
the breeze is way more cooler.

sound of people happily chatting away.

sound of kids running ard.

insects communicating there.

cats chasing each other around.

i did my exercises, in sets,

and tried to drown my sorrow with a can of blueberry drink.

i sat in the darkest corner away from the light,

i do not wish to be spotted anywhere.

i dun feel so comfortable in the light.

exposing me in everyway.

both physically and emotionally.

am i that easy to read?

am i that easy to understand?
is sadness written on my face?

is there a smiley face painted on my forehead?

alone in the dark,

the well started to overflow.

the water started to spill out of the well.

it kps on running.

without the knowledge of how to stop.

without the knowledge of whats enuff.

a little whimpering noise appeared out of nowhere.

i was startled by it.

where is the sound coming from?

i looked ard and saw my shadow bending over.
i saw the tears fall, drip by drip.

i saw my shadow suffering.

i saw my shadow trembling as the sadness start to take control.

'her' hands covered 'her' face.

'her' head bent down to 'her' knees.

the whimpering started to sound more like a high pitch scream.

'she' shivered non-stop.

nothing seem to be stopping.

i cant touch 'her'
i cant console 'her'

'she' cant even hear me.

i dint noe 'she' was suffering way more den i was.

i dint noe 'she' had such pain too.

was my pain too much for 'her' to bare?

was it me that caused 'her' to breakdown like this?

i never knew i had so much sadness in me.

i dint noe that i had so much fear within me.

nothing seemed to be the way it was wen i am awake.

only wen im sub-concious, did i realise my shadow was bearing the same pain as me.

only wen i cried, did i realise all these was there.

all this while..

without realising it.

i tried to sniff in the fresh air,

but it was hard.

my face was filled with tears,

my nose was blocked.

with mucus.

i tried to breathe through my mouth.
bt it doesnt feel the same as from the nose.

if u noe wad i meant.

i listened to the song ,'hello love goodbye' by to be juliet's secret.

i discovered the truth somehow or rather.

its jus a song some would say.

bt somehow its realli true.

next track was 'walking on air' by kerli.

am i js like the girl that is in the song?

like no one understands wad im talking abt.

no one understands wad im all about.

no one understands hw i feel.

no one understands how i look at this world.

no one.. will understand.. wad its all about..
i do not dare to fight the truth nor the lies.

i do not dare to seek for wad i wan now.

the strength i had has gone far away.

as 'strength' decided to run away.

it packed it's bag and it called the others, 'faith', 'will' and 'confidence' to run too.

they left me there.

so bare and naked, inside of me.

they all left without a word,

onli a lil note saying they would return once they found wad they wan.

is this fair?

wen they come back again,

wad would have become of me?

wen they come back,

would i still be there?

i do not wish to care so much.

i do not wan to poke my nose into everything.

and thus i dun wish everyone to poke their nose into mine.

i wish to slowly fade away.

its jus too much for me to bare.

if i cant even understand myself,

if i cant even settle my own emotions.

if i cant even do wad i wan.

if i cant even straighten out my tots.

i think i shouldnt help others.

cos im not in the right state of mind.

right now...

im js not myself.

im jus not who i used to be..

im a wrecked child.

i wish to be the forgotten kid for once.. now..

i wish...

if onli..

but den..

its jus..

i hope...

bt agn...

i understand...

i hope u do too...

but...

den...

i....

oh well...

this...

that..

him...
her...

them...

me...

im thinkin out loud so pardon me...

tots are jus broken into pieces.

causing mi to think in mani ways to try and piece them together.

a lil hard.

nt so easy.

bt still..

ive got to..

in order to get an answer..

i have to...

bt now im tired....

ish~ another day of tough luck..

another day of laziness.

another day in which i try to stop thinking..

in the end, i spend the whole day doing nothing bt thinkin abt rubbish..

wen will this stop..

wen will i get the answer..

they call me emo..

bt im not so emo..

im very very cheerful at times.

and childish..

and ppl dun tink i behave my age..

which is good.

cos i dun care..

bt den they still call me emo...

maybe cos of my hair..

i tink..

maybe..
maybe not..

hmm..

oh well..

who cares.....

i got to wash up..

i stink and i tink my sister can smell me in her slp...

im gross.. i noe...

but oh well..

this is realli jus me and my day....

boring shit..