Sunday, September 14, 20085:55 AM
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there mani things i ned to learn to let go.
theres mani things i ned to learn to accept.
im still growing to know wad others expect of me.
im still learning to get to know what i shud do best.
mani things are out of our control.
mani things are not within our reach.
if thers a will theres a way.
but it does not apply to everything and everyone.
i ned to escape for a while.
i ned to get out of her for a while.
i do not wish to stay here and suffer.
i do not wan to know what im goin to have to go through.
jus take it as im a coward.
i realli want to avoid and to run away.
i can no longer take the pressure.
i can no longer carry such a heavy burden.
no one understands this logic of mine.
they always ask me, wad are u running away from?
my answer 'failure'.
mani times i failed.
mani times i dint get wad i wan.
bt its nt the end result that makes mi feel so demoralized.
its humans that make mi feel more and more weaker.
for each step i take,
i try to take with caution.
but every thing i say,
i forgot to put a filter to it.
i forgot.
and i jus blurt out all the truths.
everything that i hold in my heart.
but sayin it out.
doesnt seem to be an issue anymore.
cos no one can hear.
cos it doesnt matter anymore.
it used to matter to me alot.
about sayin the truth to others.
about telling everyone wad i tot.
about tellin ppl how i feel.
about telling ppl wad i shud have done or not.
anything that has to do with me,
i would wan to share with others.
but not anymore.
i feel i tell too much,
i unshield myself.
i forgt my armour.
and i got shot.
i got hurt.
i got upset.
i got to learn to be tough again.
i got to learn to negiotiate with myself everything in my mind before i speak.
i ned to tell myself that thers things in life that we ned to accept.
i ned to tell myself to let go of the past.
i ned to tell myself to make myself kp walkin forward.
i ned to go ahead.
i ned to be where i shud have been.
i shud be able to make sure that i am goin the way i wan to go.
i shouldnt be doin this to myself at all.
i ned to escape.
for awhile.
i do not wish to tell anyone wher i am.
i do not wish to tell anyone where im goin to land.
my existence no longer mean anything in this world i realised.
this world will still move no matter wad im goin through.
im not an influence to anyone in this world.
i'll fade slowly....
i'll disappear...
