Saturday, October 11, 20089:09 PM

■ Pamperishme..

i came to realise ppl tend to wan me to be the nice person.
but i dun tink i am.
i disappointed alot of ppl yesterday.
i made ppl feel left out.
i made ppl feel like they are not wanted.
i feel bad.
but i realli cant be nice anymore.

i pity. but i cant pity frens.
i feel bad. i feel guilty. remorseful for being so ignorant.
i feel bad for showing care and concern,
for making ppl happy. this is not me.

where the sun rises, it wont set at the same place.
where i came from, i wont want to turn back there and escape through there.
i've walked into the past and come back again into the present.
in the future, would i still be doing this?

yesterday was a gathering for the jacks and janes.
but it dint turn out well.
not that well. but at least i got to see all of them.

a gang of ppl, whom i love dearly.
yet they are the ones, im afraid to show vulnerablity in front of them.
yet they are the ones, im afraid to show my fear, my sadness and pain in me.

they are the dear ones who stood by me wen im in need.
calling them in the wee hours to ask where they are and whether they want to hang out.
in a spilt second, they appear in front of you.

these are the ones i cherish dearly and hold close to heart.

im hiding behind that wall..
from time to time,
i'll peep from the side and see how everyone is doing.

like a vampire or a ghost, im scared of the bright sunlight.
i hate the sun. for revealing me for who i am.
im not afraid of myself. jus lack of the confidence again.

where did it go... hmmm.. i wonder.
i dun use to be like that.
i used to love the attention i get from the sun.
i used to love the sun more den anything.

but during the dark days,
i feel only the moon is my fren.
the stars are the ones who jus stood there and acc me.
the moon listens and talks to me.
or rather its mi talkin to them and they sittin there listenin to me.

ive changed some said.
i duno whether i changed for the better or for the worse.
what have i changed into?
was it all those situations that turned me into who i am.


yesterday i came to realise, i am heartless.
i do not care about wad others think.
i am not as sensitive as i am towards others.
they said i looked stress and troubled.
do i have those words on my forehead?

i wonder... maybe i do have them on my forehead.
but i am not sure on what is in my mind rite now.

i think it might be the human relations that i am thinking abt all the time.
abt how i should enhance and make my social life more richer?

i duno.. i confused and i hate this feeling. its such a weak side of me.. and i hate it..

seriously i swear i hate this period of life.
they said every 7 years, you will change..

crazily... i tink its true...


ah wellies... im going to be happy for today is sunday!
haaa!

we go shalalalalalallalalalalalalallalala....

~follow ur heart for what you want to do.
for only your heart is true and sticks to you...
its jus bloody true..